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DGRFA


By Delenn
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Chapter One


Lucy Lawless, Kevin Smith, Kevin Sorbo and Renee O’Connor were planning Hudson Leick’s wedding to Ted Rami. Renee and Lucy were the bridesmaids, and were having a fun time planning the wedding with Hudson. Kevin Sorbo couldn’t understand WHY Hudson felt the need to plan this on the set, couldn’t they go to her apartment or something? Hudson and Kevin suddenly screamed “LOOK OUT!”

But they weren’t quick enough, a piece of set fell on Kevin Sorbo. Followed by the set handler saying “Oop’s! Sorry! Don’t fire me!”

Everyone ran to check on Kevin Sorbo, Lucy, Hudson and Kevin lifted the Set off of Kevin Sorbo’s head. And Renee tried to sit him up, “Kev? Can you hear me?”

Kevin Sorbo looked up “Who are you? Where’s my mommy. I WANT MY MOMMY!”

Kevin Sorbo then started to throw a temper tantrum screaming ‘MOMMY’

Then he looked at Renee strange and laid his head on her lap “Pretty Woman!”

Renee looked at Lucy, Hudson and Kevin for help. Hudson shrugged, trying not to laugh “I can’t help, that guy’s huge!”

Lucy had tears in her eyes, she was trying not to laugh. “He likes you Renee, go for it.....”

Kevin was chuckling, but he did say “Oh c’mon, Renee, that’s cute...”

Renee balled her fists “This ISN’T CUTE! C’mon, I have a boyfriend! He’ll KILL me!”
Lucy rolled her eyes “C’mon Kevin, we can lift him… I think.”

Kevin shook his head but walked over to Renee and Kevin Sorbo and took one of Kevin Sorbo’s arms. Lucy walked over and took the other, they hefted him up. Lucy gasped “God! How much does he weigh?”

Kevin looked slightly strained as well “To much, we have to remind him to go on a diet when he’s back to himself.”

Renee smiled and got up, “Thank god! You sure took long enough!”

Hudson walked over too “Here, I’ll help you two. Wow he DOES need to lose some weight!”

Kevin Sorbo looked up suddenly and reached out for Renee, who backed up “Pretty lady, no I want to stay with Pretty lady!”

Lucy, Hudson and Kevin tried to hold Kevin Sorbo, but didn’t have much luck. He reached out and grabbed Renee’s wrist. “Stay pretty lady.”

Renee bit her lip to keep from complaining, “Awww... Ok, Kev, sure. We’re just gonna go to the Hospital, OK?”

Kevin Sorbo nodded “Yeah ok.” He suddenly pointed at Kevin, Lucy and Hudson, “I don’t like them, make them leave.”

Renee looked pleadingly but Hudson said “Go ahead, Renee, he likes you you’ll be fine and it’ll be a hell of a lot easier then us carrying him!”

Renee scowled at them “You heartless people! C’mon, Kev We’re gonna go away from the bad people and to a doctor!”

Hudson laughed “Come back in time to get fitted for your bridesmaid dress, Renee! Oh, I guess I’ll have to scrap Kev’s invite. I wonder if Sam ‘ll still want to come?”

Kevin tried not to laugh, “That was weird, somebody should fire that set director.”

Lucy exclaimed suddenly “Oh his WIFE! We have to call her!”

She pulled out her Nokia cell phone and dialed “Hello, Sam? It’s Lucy Lawless. I work with your husband? Yeah, hi. Umm, there’s been an accident on set, no nothing serious. He’s just being taken to a hospital now... No, no, he just seems to have lost his memory for a bit. No I didn- yeah. He’s with Renee O’Connor… she works with us too. No. Yeah, I’m sure the doctors will have him ok in no time. Yeah. You’ll be right here? Ok, yeah somebody will take you to the doctors from here. Yeah. Ok, bye.”

Kevin asked “Everything ok?”

Lucy sighed “No, she was yelling at me the whole time! I tried to tell her it wasn’t my fault.... Hudson, would you mind taking her to the hospital? I really don’t want her yelling at me.”

Hudson laughed “Yeah, sure, no problem Lucy. We’ll catch up with you?”

Lucy said “Yeah, Kevin you want to come now too?”

Kevin nodded “Sure, Lucy.”




The nurse looked at the people in the waiting room. “Umm.... who are you here to see?”

Sam said “My husband, Kevin Sorbo, he’s having a check because he has lost his memory.”

The nurse smiled “Oh... I thought Mrs. Sorbo was already in there? Hmm... Weird.. And who are the rest of you?”

Hudson spared Lucy and said, “The woman with Kevin Sorbo is Renee O’Connor. She works with us, and Kev seemed to want her to watch him when he lost his memory. Oh and I’m Hudson Leick. This is Lucy Lawless and Kevin Smith. We all work with Kevin Sorbo.”

The nurse shrugged. “Okay. Can I ask... Why are you all dressed for Halloween?”

Simultaneously Hudson, Kevin, and Lucy looked down. “Oh, crap!”

Lucy smiled sweetly; hey being an actress DOES have its upsides! “We were just filming a scene for a movie.”

The Nurse shrugged, she still thought these people were weird (needless to say she didn’t watch TV.) “Ok, Mrs. Sorbo has already gone in to check on her husband, you can go in as well I suppose.”

They shrugged and walked away mumbling “Damn, why did I forget to change..” “Snap your fingers....not that hard...” “If this screws up my wedding, I swear!”

Renee let out a well-practiced (Think Gabrielle here folks) whine when she saw her fellow actor/actresses. “LUUUUCY… KEEEVINNN.... HUUUDSOOONNN! You LEFT me to deal with this! UGH! And I didn’t even have a chance to CHANGE, I look like a TOTAL DORK!”

Lucy, who had listened to that while playing Xena for years, said “Can’t come up with any new material, Renee, or should I say GABRIELLE.”

Renee scowled “Ha, ha, very funny.”

Hudson walked up to Renee and whispered “PMS?”

Renee laughed “Probably! Sorry guys, don’t mind me! So who called Sam?”

Sam looked up from where she was sitting by her husband’s bed “HER.” She pointed to Lucy.

Lucy threw her hands up in the air “What?! What did I do to you?”

Renee poked Lucy “Love scene...”

Hudson laughed “Whoa, Sam, a little jealous, aren’t we? He’s an actor, aren’t you used to that by now?”

Sam scowled at Hudson “No.”

Lucy suddenly smiled “Kevin, come here for a sec.”

Kevin eyed Lucy wearily. “Why...”

Lucy rolled her eyes “Just come here!”

Kevin walked over to Lucy, who wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him full on. After a minute or two she pulled away, leaving a very stunned Kevin to just stand there. Desperately trying not to mention how much she ENJOYED when she had to kiss Kevin for scenes Lucy looked at Sam and said. “See. Nothing big. We’re all just friends on the shows.”

Renee added “Yep, with the occasional kiss. Part of being an actor or actress.”

Hudson laughed “Yep, that’s how I met my fiancée.”

Kevin looked from Sam to Lucy. “You and your bright ideas, Lucy.”

Lucy shrugged “Oop’s!”

Suddenly Kevin Sorbo started to stir in bed and all squabbles were forgotten, for a time. “S-Sam?”

Hudson giggled, similar to her Callisto laugh, “Oh he’s ok! My wedding will be SAVED! YAY! Hi, Kev! Ted will be SO happy you can still be his best man!”

Kevin Sorbo looked around the room. “Lucy? Hudson? Kevin? Renee?”

Sam stared at the people “Ok, thanks for getting my husband here, can you please leave now?”

Everyone nodded and left the room. As soon as they were out of the room Hudson pulled out a cell phone, she dialed “Hello? Teddy! Oh thank god you’re there! Kev was hurt on set, yeah he’s fine, yes he can still be at the wedding. I’ll be home in a few minutes, ok? OK, love you too Teddy-Poo!! Buhbye!”

Renee rolled her eyes and looked to Kevin “Can you BELIEVE that?”

Kevin looked to Lucy “Can you BELIEVE Renee is complaining?”

Renee looked insulted for a moment before Lucy said “You and your boyfriend were like that for months too, Renee.”

Renee smiled. “Oh, Ok! Let’s go then!”


Kevin, Lucy, Hudson and Renee arrived back on set and were about to head to their dressing rooms when they remembered they still had more filming to do. Renee put her head in her hands “This is NOT my day!”

Hudson patted her friend’s shoulder “I know. I don’t think anyone is having a good day today.”

Lucy sighed “Back to work!”

While the women headed for the set Kevin looked around for the producer, director and writer. The producer was in the lunchroom eating. The writer had apparently called it a day and gone home, and the director was napping in his chair. The producer and director hastily got on set seeing the angered actors. The director asked “Where’s Kevin Sorbo? We need him for this scene!”

Hudson explained “Kev’s at the hospital, a set accident. Jump ahead to a scene he’s not in.”

The producer whined “But we need him now! This is going to throw back shooting! How long is he there for?!?”

Lucy and Hudson stood in their best I’m-an-evil-warrior-that-can-kick-your-ass-if-you-screw-with-me look and the producer sighed. “Fine, let’s skip the ‘sidekick’s and hero’s saving the village’ scene. Umm... How about the ‘evil warriors’ scene?”

The director nodded “That should work. Wait.... Where‘s Ted Rami?”

Renee headed off stage, waiting for her cue. Hudson looked around for her husband-to-be. “I don’t know! Teddy-Poo?”

At that moment Ted came skidding into the room, wearing his Joxer outfit. “Sorry, guys, this thing is really hard to run in! Which scene are we shooting?”

The director sighed; this had interrupted his nap? “The ‘evil warriors’ scene. Is everyone ready?”

Kevin and Lucy walked off stage, joining Renee in waiting for their cue. Ted assumed a Joxer pose and waited for the director to say ready. Hudson stood just next to him, trying to blend in for the moment, they would add in her entrance with special effects later. The cameraman nodded and the director yelled “ACTION!”:  


Joxer unpacks his things quickly, because he doesn’t really own many things, and sighs, believing that the others are probably discussing everything right now and not including him. “Again, they never include me!”

Joxer wonders around the room, brooding “Why did they have to keep me out of things?”

Callisto appears in a flash of fire with screams echoing in the background, she is smiling. She pitches her voice to a sympathetic tone, cocking her head in an ‘I’m thinking’ posture. “But it’s so simple, Joxer. They kept you out of the fight, because you’re not ‘hero material’ and I’m inclined to agree with their decision.”

Joxer frowns, trying to figure it out. “What do you mean by that....”

He looks up, not until just now fully realizing that this is the Goddess Callisto here, “Callisto? What do you want?”

Callisto smiles and circles Joxer, in a predatory manner, while trying to be sweet. “You promised me alliance, Joxer, or have you forgotten?” She states, as if it is that simple. “I am here to command a follower.”

Joxer gulps and looks nervously around the room, trying not to think about the lithe blond brushing against him as she circles “What do you want, Goddess Callisto?”

Callisto pulls out a dagger, stops pacing so she is face to face with Joxer, puts the dagger to his throat and says, still smiling. “What I want? Why I would think it’s obvious, Joxer,” She pauses for effect. “I want YOU.”

Joxer gulps again, backing away a little so the blade isn’t quite so close to his throat. He manages to squeak, his voice just not co-operating, “Me?”

Callisto sighs and twirls the dagger absently. A disgusted look crosses her almost innocent looking face. “Yes, Joxer ‘the Mighty,’ you. I’m going to make a warrior out of you, make people fear your name.”

Joxer manages to get his voice back to normal, by some miracle, looking at Callisto, innocent and confused. “Why? For what price?”

Callisto smiles, an insane glint in her eyes “Well now that you mention it....”


The director yelled “Good job! I think that scene actually works! We’ll go to commercial there. Then when we get back we’ll have the next scene. Lucy, Kevin, you ready? Good! Let’s go people! We’ve already lost time!”

Hudson smiled “Teddy-Poo! Isn’t this great? I mean I know you like to play comedy, but now we can be on the same side!”

Ted nodded and both of them walked off the stage rolling their eyes at the producer. Lucy and Kevin walked on stage and waited for the cameraman to get ready. Lucy whispered, “Why did we ever agree to do this?”

Kevin shook his head, along with Hudson who had heard her. The producer watched the cameraman with anger. He had a vain in his neck starting to bulge “Are you READY? Good! And... ACTION!”:


Xena glares at the God of War, “What do YOU want?”

Ares grins, mischief in his eyes “Do I have to ‘want’ something?”

Xena sighs “You always want something...”

Ares grin falters for a moment, then it is back as usual. He moves closer to the warrior “You know me too well...”

Xena rolls her eyes “Not really. You’re just so predictable.”

As she expects Ares stops moving towards her “Really? What do I want then?”

Xena taps her foot impatiently “How am I supposed to know?!”

Xena turns around and waits for him to leave. A voice right next to her ear says, “If you’re nice I’ll tell you...”

Xena spins around and finds herself face to face with the God of War. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him deeply, he wraps his arms around her waist.  


From the other side of the room the Director yelled, the vain in his neck was throbbing again. “CUT!!”

After a few minutes the producer yelled, again “CUT, CUT, CUT!!”

Finally Kevin and Lucy broke apart; which had nothing to do with the director, they needed air. Hudson and Ted were laughing and Renee was looking on muttering something along the lines of “They forgot my CUE!”

Kevin looked at the producer and asked nonchalantly “Problem?”

The director looked towards Lucy and said “Lucy! You’re supposed to slap him, not kiss him! Doesn’t anybody read the scripts?”

Lucy shrugged, a twinkle in her eyes, “I didn’t feel like it.”

The producer muttered “First with Ted and Hudson.... now this! This movie is NEVER going to get off the ground.”


***Take 37***

Xena paces her room like a caged animal, she has been unable to get her stone out of her mind since they have stopped. “Damn it, why did Gabrielle have to make us stop!?”

Of course, she has been thinking of her stone before, except now she is worried about those strange monsters they killed. Knowing the only person who might know she will not call Xena settles back into her pacing route, hoping that Gabrielle will be ready to leave the next morning.

A voice says, even before the god himself has appeared fully. “Hello, my dear.”

Xena glares at the God of War, “What do YOU want?”

Ares grins, mischief in his eyes “Do I have to ‘want’ something?”

Xena sighs, “You always want something...”

Ares grin falters for a moment, then it is back as usual. He moves closer to the warrior “You know me to well...”

Xena rolls her eyes “Not really. You’re just so predictable.”

As she expects Ares stops moving towards her “Really? What do I want then?”

Xena taps her foot impatiently “How am I supposed to know?!”

Xena turns around and waits for him ho leave. A voice right next to her ear says, “If you’re nice I’ll tell you...”

Xena spins around and finds herself face to face with the God of War. In one fluid movement she steps away and slaps him “Talk...”

Ares chuckles, rubbing his jaw, “Now Xena, that’s not nice.”

Xena smiles “How about this? Talk or leave before I cram my boot half way up your----”

Ares steps closer to her again, not deterred in the least “Always so HOSTILE, my dear.”

They stand a hairs breath away from each other, Ares raises his hand to Xena’s face. Xena is about to say something, when Gabrielle barges in “Xena! Joxer’s--- XENA!?!”

Xena steps away from Ares abruptly before she faces to Gabrielle, Xena’s eyes clearly display an ‘Oop’s’ look. She then turns to her blond friend, walking away from Ares “As I was saying... Get out before I---”

With a flash of blue light the God of War disappears shaking his head almost sadly. Gabrielle asks, staring at her friend suspiciously “What was that, Xena? What was HE doing here?”

Xena rolls her eyes, supposedly at the God of War who left. “He didn’t tell me, probably just bored and harassing me like usual.”

At Gabrielle’s skeptical look the warrior hastily changes the subject “You mentioned Joxer?”

Gabrielle’s eyes have a panicked look in them as she practically pulls her friend out of the room “He’s gone! I don’t know what we’re going to do! He’s not in his room, you know how Hercules was depending on him with Iolaus..... you know.... gone...”

Xena focuses on the situation at hand “I know Gabrielle, it must have-- We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

Her eyes take on a farel gleam as she feels strongly that his disappearance is linked to her missing stone. “I promise, I won’t let anything happen to Joxer.”


The director yells “And CUT to commercial! Perfect! And it only took.... what? 29 takes for you to slap him and let him leave, Lucy? Then only another 8 takes for Renee to stop laughing and look upset?! I’d say this is just great people!”

The director sounded sarcastic. Hudson, who had put up with the director and producer while she was first dating Ted said, “Just remember, we can quit this movie.... And then where would you be? A couple thousand down, I believe.”

The director and producer both sighed and admitted, “Alright, you’re right! Let’s call this a wrap for today.”

Hudson, Joxer, Kevin, Lucy and Renee all sighed in relief, drugging off to their dressing rooms and looking forward to being home and relaxing.


Lucy, Renee, Adrienne and Alexandra stood on stools in a shop, being fitted for their bridesmaids’ dresses. After cussing out the people fitting them repeatedly they seem to have found something to everyone’s tastes.

The dresses were deep purple off the shoulder, and cut straight across. There was a fabric purple rose in the front just above the bust, and the top angled down to the waist on one side and the hip on the other. In the back it bustled up, giving it a female look. The front skirt part was crinkly like there was a crinoline underneath and flowed down to the ankles.

The four women stood looking at their reflections in the mirrors, next they were going to get their hair styled, but not until Hudson made sure her gown and hair were absolutely perfect. There was a small cough and they all turned to see Hudson in her gown with her hair styled up.

The gown was creamy and complimented her skin and figure perfectly. All present had to admit that Hudson looked stunning, and admit it they did. Lucy exclaimed, “Hudson, you look wonderful!”

Adrienne agreed “Ted’s going to faint when he sees you!”

Renee nodded; all she would say was “Wow!”

Alexandra, for the fun of it, pitched her voice to Aphrodite’s and said “Ooh, hon, you look sooo totally cool! I give you my total approval, and I’m like totally the goddess of luv so I should know!”

Hudson squealed excitedly “Alex, please, I’m nervous enough without worrying about looking like a hooker!!”

All five friends laughed at this, and Adrienne said, “Wow, the first of our group to get married, this is so cool!”

Lucy nodded and rushed to hug her friend, quickly followed by the other three, with “I’m sooo happy for you!” abundant.

Finally Renee teased “Hey Lucy maybe you’ll be next!”

Lucy laughed, a small blush tingeing at her cheeks, “Whatever do you mean, Renee? I keep my relationships separate from work.”

Hudson nodded “Uh huh, suuuure…. so did I.”

Adrienne rolled her eyes “Well, most of us are better at that then you!”

Hudson giggled her Callisto giggle, “Oh shut up or I swear I’ll bolt you and ruin that pretty dress!”

All five women collapsed into a fit of laughter, before finally composing themselves enough to go get their hair done.




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